Absolutely Not Meant To Be
by strangerpotter
Summary: A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. Unless you're May Spencer. Then a soulmate is someone who is to be avoided and undiscovered at all costs. But her fool proof plan to live in ignorance can't last forever. SiriusXOC Soulmate AU. T for some strong language


This story is for **the Dialogue Prompts Challenge: Jessica Jones** by **Screaming Faeries** and the **Soulmate!AU Challenge** by **Lamia of the Dark**. This was super fun to write with the funny dialogue prompt and the super interesting story prompt of soulmates. I've never written a soulmate au before but I really enjoyed it. Anyway, here's the story.

* * *

There's no escaping fate. No matter how much you want to, or try, it can't be done. And therefore, there's no escaping your soulmate. Once you know, there's no going back. Sure, you don't _have_ to marry your soulmate, and finding out that's who they are doesn't change how you feel about them in any way. At least not at first. Take Lily and James for example; she absolutely _hated_ him, and for years too. In fact, it sometimes seemed as if she still did. But that day in fifth year, when she slapped him, the seed had been planted. When she had realized what happened, she ran up for her dorm and cried for hours. One of her best friends, May Spencer, had to get her a plate at dinner and bring it up for her. James went on bragging about it for the rest of the school year (which was actually only a month and a half), that is until May threatened to throw him off the Astronomy Tower. That shut him up, even when the next year started.

Now they were happily in love and absolutely revolting to be around sometimes. May had seen Lily cross over to the "dark side" as she called it, and was too stubborn to let the same thing happen to her. So she'd complied a whole list of boys in the school she promised herself she'd never hit (no matter how much she wanted to) so she would have no chance of finding out that they were her soulmate. It was a pretty decent list, one which she was still working on. It was a bit too long, according to Lily. But the proper precautions had to be made. She kept the list with her everywhere, tucked in her planner so she could made changes if necessary. So far what she had was:

May's No-Hit List

(A.K.A. the wankers of Hogwarts she refuses to fall in love with)

-Severus Snape (added after the great Severus vs. Lily fight of 1975)

-Sirius Black

-Lucius Malfoy

-Barty Crouch Jr. (this bloke has been removed after they snogged at a Christmas party and he was _exceptionally_ good at it)

-Mason Margret

-Sirius Black

-Cameron Felix

-Jason Morrison

-Justin Parkinson

-Sirius Black

-Zach Lennon

-Daniel Levy (who cares if their second cousins? He was an utter prat and she wasn't taking any chances)

-Justin Harris

-Phil Emmerson

-Sirius _fucking_ Black!

Sirius Black was the greasiest slimeball, the biggest pain in the ass, complete scumbag, and King of Duchery that she'd ever met. How people could stand to be around him without vomiting was certainly a mystery to her. And how girls _swooned_ and _fawned_ over him made her feel ashamed to be the same sex as them. And now that _her_ best friend was dating _his_ best friend she found him in her presence more and more, which just made her want to throw herself out of the big window in her dorm. And his harassment was becoming a more consistent part of her day.

The week of their midterm exams he just wouldn't _stop_. He followed her in the corridors, shouting at her as he tried to catch up with her (she usually ducked into a classroom or made a break for the girls bathroom), threw little pieces of parchment at her in the few classes they had together, and squeezed himself into the space next to her that she tried to make too small for anyone to fit into. But he was a determined one. Whenever she saw him coming over she would put Lily's messenger bag on one side of her and two books on the other, then tugged her sleeves down. There was _no_ way she was letting him touch her, possible soulmate or not. His pratishness might have been contagious.

"May, this is getting out of hand." Lily told her as they walked to the Gryffindor tower, "You're becoming _completely_ paranoid."

May rolled her eyes, "People keep saying that, it must be a conspiracy."

Lily sighed loudly, "How many are on the list, then? Ten?"

"Ten?" she snorted, "Please, I hit ten a week and a half ago. But honestly, try and see it from my perspective. You got lucky; your scumbag ended up not being one at all! _I_ might not be so lucky. _I_ might end up with a real piece of trash, and we both know who I'm talking about."

"Speak of the devil."

May looked over at her friend and mimicked her by looking over her shoulder. Seeing the tall, shaggy haired boy walking in their direction she faced forward again and groaned loudly. "Kill me, Lily." She told her, "I mean it, slaughter me."

She gave her a light shove, "Stop being so _dramatic_." Said Lily, "Besides, he's with Remus, he'll drag him off to class before you know it."

"That's likely."

Sirius had easily fallen into step with the two girls, Remus on the other side of him. "I gotta hand it to you, Spence, you move bloody fast for someone so small."

"I've had a lot of practice." She muttered and whacked his arm, which was far too close to hers, definitely hard enough to startle him. "Don't you have a class to ditch or a girl to snog?"

He shrugged and flicked his hair out of his face, which fell right back. "Last class just ended." Sirius told her, "And no girl to snog yet. Lucky for you, I guess."

May made a gagging noise that sounded all too real. "Oh, absolutely _not_." She scoffed, "I'd rather shag a goblin. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to do _anything_ else with my time than talk to you, like vomit." She picked up her pace to get away as fast as she could, hoping Lily would follow her so she wouldn't look stupid or something.

That should have been the least of her worries.

When she started to walk away, Sirius reached forward and grabbed her forearm so he could pull her back. As he approached them before, May hadn't noticed that the sleeves of her school jumper were pulled up to her elbows. Leaving her skin exposed. When he gripped her arm she stopped dead in her place, her books falling to the floor. She'd felt something; something she'd never experienced before. It sort of felt as if she'd been struck by lightning, but without the pain. But it passed through her, from head to toe, at the speed of light. It left her with an almost warm chill and a light cramp in her chest. Her hands began to tremble. Something like that had been, vaguely, described to her by Lily. From when she hit James…

Her eyes finally came to focus and she saw his expression, the fraction of hope she had left came trickling out. His eyes were wide enough that they were perfect circles and he stared at her with a slightly open mouth. For the first time she'd ever seen, Sirius Black had been completely robbed of his calm, casual composure and was truly speechless.

Slowly, she began to shake her head. She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream until she passed out. Then maybe when she woke up she wouldn't remember. But when she spoke, her voice was barely even a whisper. "No… it can't…"

"May…" Sirius began, his voice faltering as he realized he had no idea what to say.

Her head bean to shake faster. "No… absolutely not… it can't be, _you_ can't be…" by now other students passing by had stopped to watch what was happening.

He took one step towards her and she took two back. "Listen," he said hesitantly, "It's okay-"

"No!" she was now shouting with a shaky voice. "You wanker! You- you cretin! You disgusting-" May's voice had cracked and it was becoming harder to speak. But she forced herself just a little longer. "I hate you!"

May darted down the hall, pushing through people with as much force as she could manage so no one could slow her down. She didn't care if she made a scene. She didn't care if she hurt someone by accident. She didn't even care if one of the people she pushed through was a professor who had come over to see what was going on. She just didn't _care_.

She ran and ran and didn't think she'd ever stop. And she was completely unaware of the intense burning in her chest from all the sudden running. Nothing mattered in that moment. She coughed and choked on her sobs as she ran through the corridors, past the courtyard, and down the hills. Soon it was too much and she had to stop, knowing she could really hurt herself if she passed out in the wrong spot. When she could finally see through her tears she looked around, only grass and the Whomping Willow in sight.

At a safe distance from the appropriately named plant she sat on the grass, her robes serving as a blanket. She had been taking stones and sticks and throwing them at the tree as hard as she could. Then she watched the branches attempt to swat the objects away. It usually did, and sometimes seemed to be aiming for May. But she barely flinched when they came shooting at her; half out of confidence it wouldn't actually hit her (which is never did) and half out of the utter numbness that had taken over. It wasn't too long until she'd ran out of ammunition and she just watched the tree whip it's branches around at nothing.

Why her? Why _him_? She'd tried so hard to make sure that would _never_ have happened. Maybe it was a real life example of poetic justice; getting what she dreaded because she tried too hard to prevent it. Well, if that's what it was, it was a shitty reason.

Almost loosing herself in her thoughts, May got snapped back to reality when something fell into the grass next to her with a small clatter. She looked down at the small pile of rocks that laid where her previous one had been, a pair of shoes behind them. There was no need to look up to see who it was; she could practically feel it.

"I don't want to talk to you." Said May simply

He'd slipped off his robe and tossed it onto the ground next to her. "So don't talk." Sirius suggested, sitting on the other side of the pile.

"I don't want you to talk either."

Out of the corner of her eye she could see him shrug. "So I won't talk too, then."

So he didn't. And neither did she. For several minutes they sat still in dead silence. Reluctantly, she reached for a stone and threw it harder than all the others before. When she reached for her fourth rock was when he joined her. His, of course, were a lot faster and carried a lot more force than hers. Not only was he visibly strong, but May was the definition of a pipsqueak, barely standing over five feet with her back perfectly straight. Despite the physical advantage he clearly had on her though, she was definitely the more intimidating of the two. She may not have been able to carry more than three of her textbooks at a time, but she had a sharper tongue than anyone he'd ever spoken to.

May sighed and rested her chin on her knees. "This can't be happening." she said softly, "I didn't want to know."

"I can't imagine how disappointing it must be to be stuck with me." Came his voice next to her.

She shook her head. "I didn't want to know for anyone. As shocking as it may be, you're not the only thick-headed bloke in the school."

He laughed and threw another rock. "I mean, you were going to find out eventually." Sirius pointed out, "Does it _really_ make a difference if it's now or later?"

"Of course it does." May said with a sigh. "Because if my thinking started to change _before_ this I would know that it's because of nothing other than how I really feel. But when it happens _now_ , I'll be left wondering if it's really me feeling that way."

"When it happens?"

She looked over at him, only noticing it was getting dark out when it was harder to see him than before. His face was darker and more shadowed, making every one of his features softer. When she looked over at him he was already looking at her and she could see a small smile begin to form. May thought about what she said, what he noticed she'd said. 'When it happens'. Was she already crossing over? Merlin, she was even worse than Lily.

She bit her lip, "I just meant that- well, I just-"

"Relax, May." He said with a short laugh, "I'm just messing with you. You don't have to say anything else." She starred at him, then groaned and rested her forehead on her knees. Sirius starred at her, completely confused. "Uh, did I say something?"

"Yes." She muttered, "You said something nice. You said something sensitive. You can't do that!" May lifted her head and ran a hand through her hair. "You can't start being nice now. It'll make everything worse."

For a few moment Sirius was still, then he nodded a few times. "Okay, I think I get it." He said, "So I should be as mean to you as you were to me?"

"No, don't." May answered quickly, "Then I'll be able to see how terrible I am, and then I'll be suffocated with self-hatred."

"Don't feel bad." He said, looking back at the tree and flipping a stone over in his palm. "I'm fully aware that I can be a prat. In fact, I do it on purpose."

She looked at him with the extent of her confusion painted on her face. "What?"

Sirius smiled, barely. And for a moment, it was very sad looking. So she looked away so she wouldn't be able to see it anymore. "Well, you never noticed me when I tried to be nice. And when you did notice, it wasn't for very long. But when I'm being an ass, you talk to me. Of course it's not always the most pleasant conversation, but it's something."

May was silent for a few moment, thinking over what he'd just said. Was he telling the truth? She couldn't remember him being decent around her. But then again, that was the point he was trying to make. Just as she had predicted, she felt something swell up in her chest. Guilt. She hadn't felt this guilty since she "borrowed" a bunch of her sisters' clothes over the summer and brought them to school. Oh god, she was wearing her sisters' jeans right at that moment. But no, this was worse. This was _much_ worse.

She groaned loudly and lay on her back, staring up at the darkening sky. If someone had told her a year before, or a week before, hell even an hour before, that she would feel bad about how she treated Sirius Black she would have laughed until she got light headed. But she could feel it. Guilt knotted her stomach and made her feel sick. And before she knew it, she found herself saying three words, three big little words, that she never thought she'd say to Sirius. Something she would have never said had she not known they were soulmates.

"I'm really sorry."

"Me too."


End file.
